I've been staring at this blank post trying to think of what to write, how to say what I need to say, how to convey my thoughts and feelings, but I am having difficulty making sense of my racing mind. All I know is that I need to write. Something. Anything.
Let's start with today:
1. Today is the first day of winter quarter and I am taking three core classes: Nutrition, Biology, and Spanish I. So far I like them, but I know it will be a difficult work load.
2. I am currently listening to Fire Within, an album by Birdy on repeat. Her voice is so lovely, and her music strikes a chord in me. I can't believe how cheesy that sounds. But listen to this, "You use your words as a weapon, but as a weapon I'll shed no tears." How can she know me so well?
3. It snowed yesterday, but now it's mostly gone.
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.I am not sure what else I am trying to say, All I know is that I am happy and sad and I'm trying to make sense of the peaceful hurricane inside of me. How so many emotions and feelings can live inside one person at one time. How in the midst of it all, I am somehow calm. Sure, my hands have been shaking terribly all day, and my mind is racing but my thoughts are still. I can't explain what is happening inside of me. How so much love, and confidence in this love can live inside my heart, and how so much confusion, doubt, hurt, and fear can live in my mind. I am torn. I am whole. I am nothing. I feel everything. I am rust and stardust. I am deeply in love. I am sad. I am a sinner. I am submerged in mercy. I am filled with hurt. I am surrounded by Grace. I am dust. I am a precious jewel. All I am trying to say is that I hope you don't think about the world as much as I do standing outside during a rainstorm a 3 am with a fire inside my soul.
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