After being so glum about Thanksgiving, it turned out to be not so bad after all. The day before I went on a little adventure and visited one of my favorite docks back when I was in eight grade. The weather was nippy, the sky was starting to darken, the lake water was drained and you could see the beautiful roots of a huge tree next to the dock. There was a flock of geese flying by overhead, calling out to one another, announcing to the world that winter is finally here. It was so peaceful and beautiful, exactly what I needed. Soon after I decorated my room in all things Christmas. I love this time of year, as soon as Christmas is over I feel very morose and nostalgic.. thinking about how it used to be as a child, never ending break, toys galore, all of the snowball fights and snow forts we'd make. It was so joyful! I made a promise to myself to be more of a child at heart this Christmas. I'm going to build a snowman during the first snow, regardless of how busy I am. Besides, the Bible says to be like children. And maybe this Christmas is the time to practice that. To be happy and joyful, easy to forgive, easy to laugh, to enjoy the presence of the loved ones surrounding me. I am excited, and for the first time in years, I actually cannot wait for it to snow! Anyhow, enough of my rambling.. please enjoy some crappy quality pictures of my recent adventures :)
It's the day before Thanksgiving and I am trying my hardest not to think about it but I am failing miserably. Once again I have to work the holidays, and working last year, I know exactly what's in store and I am not looking forward to it. On Thanksgiving day I only saw two people on their way to dinner, and I didn't see a single soul for the rest of the day. I kept getting videos of everyone at the dinner table, eating, singing, just being a big happy family. I came home that night only to find there was no food left and nobody had bothered to save me a plate. The rest of the holidays weren't much different. I desperately don't want to be a Debbie downer but having to work Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New years again really sucks. This is my favorite season and I can't even enjoy it. I went to bed Thanksgiving night and cried. I know I feel childish but I don't want to go home and help prepare for a holiday I won't be able to participate. I don't want to go anywhere else either and watch everybody else prepare and tell me to have a happy thanksgiving because I know I won't, so here I am walking alone at the park trying not to think. And failing miserably.
So I told you I've been crocheting like mad! Well here are the results! The black cowl I used a super soft and chunky yarn and a size 10 hook. Then I chained 90 and join together with a sl st. Ch 2 and then dc in each st around. I joined together with another sl st and continued the same pattern for another nine rows (10 rows total). I made another beautiful beige one with gold throughout with the same pattern only I chained 100 to begin with. I made the black one slightly tighter so it would actually cover my entire neck, and not just to be a fashion statement. So far I've had six requests for Christmas. However I am selling them for $25-$35 a piece so let me know if you would like one! Pictures below!
October 29th. This is the time of the month that is my favorite. When I go outside and it's slightly wet and foggy and I have to warm up my car for a few minutes. Where I can come into my cozy bedroom and turn on my Christmas lights and cuddle in bed with the window opened just a crack. It's also the worst time. I have been sick all week, well for almost two weeks actually. I'm constantly tired, slightly nauseous, dizzy when I stand up, my head is foggy. This happens every year, every fall as soon as the weather gets colder. It usually lasts about a week and goes away. I've been basically bed ridden all day today. It got worse on Sunday and I'm barely starting to feel a little better. I'm able to eat. I had my first full meal in three days yesterday and again today. However, it was only one meal, and unfortunately there's nothing to eat in the house. I at least have a banana so that should help a little. These past three weeks have been a little difficult. Not necessarily bad, just difficult. I don't know. I just feel so unmotivated. I have no desire to do anything, I can barely focus on school. It's bad. It's pretty bad. I'm doing a lot better than I have this past year, but now I just feel like not doing anything at all. Maybe it's just a side effect. Or maybe I'm just burnt out. I never had a break from school in over a year, and things are just going too fast for me. I feel like I'm living in a fog, like I mentally checked out. Maybe I should speak to Dr Kearns about this, I am supposed to see him soon. I just.. I don't know what I feel. I have so much that I want to say, but yet I fear I will say too much and not enough. I sometimes wonder why God made me the way I am. He must know how difficult it would be on me. Why I think the way I think, why I am the way I am, why I cannot conform myself into this person that everyone wants me to be. What makes me so different? And why is it so hard to fit in? I have so many questions. My mind is in turmoil, and yet it is still. I cannot explain it, it's like a war inside of myself. Maybe it's just another side effect. Anyways the hour is late and sleep is calling. Off I go.
Here are the last of the photos. I had so much fun shooting and editing these! Someone should pay me to do this :) haha kidding.
