Four months.

October 29th. This is the time of the month that is my favorite. When I go outside and it's slightly wet and foggy and I have to warm up my car for a few minutes. Where I can come into my cozy bedroom and turn on my Christmas lights and cuddle in bed with the window opened just a crack. It's also the worst time. I have been sick all week, well for almost two weeks actually. I'm constantly tired, slightly nauseous, dizzy when I stand up, my head is foggy. This happens every year, every fall as soon as the weather gets colder. It usually lasts about a week and goes away. I've been basically bed ridden all day today. It got worse on Sunday and I'm barely starting to feel a little better. I'm able to eat. I had my first full meal in three days yesterday and again today. However, it was only one meal, and unfortunately there's nothing to eat in the house. I at least have a banana so that should help a little. These past three weeks have been a little difficult. Not necessarily bad, just difficult. I don't know. I just feel so unmotivated. I have no desire to do anything, I can barely focus on school. It's bad. It's pretty bad. I'm doing a lot better than I have this past year, but now I just feel like not doing anything at all. Maybe it's just a side effect. Or maybe I'm just burnt out. I never had a break from school in over a year, and things are just going too fast for me. I feel like I'm living in a fog, like I mentally checked out. Maybe I should speak to Dr Kearns about this, I am supposed to see him soon. I just.. I don't know what I feel. I have so much that I want to say, but yet I fear I will say too much and not enough. I sometimes wonder why God made me the way I am. He must know how difficult it would be on me. Why I think the way I think, why I am the way I am, why I cannot conform myself into this person that everyone wants me to be. What makes me so different? And why is it so hard to fit in? I have so many questions. My mind is in turmoil, and yet it is still. I cannot explain it, it's like a war inside of myself. Maybe it's just another side effect. Anyways the hour is late and sleep is calling. Off I go.

10.16.2014

"Make today great."
I have to constantly keep reminding myself to do that. To make today great. And so far, I'm having a great day. Actually it's pretty wonderful. Just a regular old Thursday, nothing particularly special. The only difference being my mindset. I went outside and hung out in the orchard and looked around to remind myself just why it is exactly that October is my favorite month. The air is starting to have that crispy, fresh feel. The apples are starting to fall off of the trees. It was slightly chilly out, but standing in the sun kept me perfectly warm. It was a beautiful day! Plus our cat, Cat joined me out in the orchard and kept rubbing against my legs. It's the little things ya know? So go out there and make today great. Or at least just take a second and remember, through all the hustle and bustle, that life is already great.

Obviously I'm very excited because my top knot came out perfect! :)

Who doesn't love a handmade crocheted infinity scarf??

Cat looking all majestic and stuff.

*Sigh* I could sit here forever...

The most beautiful drive to work.

Hey, Cat! :)

Alyona part II

Here are the last of the photos. I had so much fun shooting and editing these! Someone should pay me to do this :) haha kidding.

Alyona is graduating.

So my little sister is a senior. I am completely dumbfounded and shocked. I can't believe it. Anyways, being a broke college girl I couldn't afford to hire anyone to take pictures for her so I decided to do it myself. :)

Lethargy

Today was such a stupid and pointless day. I don't know why I'm being so moody and irritated. I slept through psychology and I think that's what started the bad mood. I am so disappointed with myself for missing that class. Anyways. I went over to Calico Cat earlier today and found a Brita Filter Water Pitcher! I was so happy about it because I had that on my to-buy list and I found it for $2.99. I also went to Ross and bought a few things for my new apartment. I know I'm a year early but I'd rather start slowly and have pretty much everything I need by the time I move out rather then being immensely overwhelmed with things to buy when that time comes. I'm excited. So so excited. I need a new start, and as much as I love this town, there's nothing here for me. It's depressing. I just hope I choose the right school and the right place to move out in.