02.21.2017

“We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.”  - C.S. Lewis 

The Coming Of Dawn

 

What should I want to say when I'm stuck in this time and place, where I'm neither here and you're neither there, and we're neither anywhere. How should I want to cry when your shoulders are no longer here to receive my tears, and your hands are no longer there to trace my broken wings. How can I will time to go by, when the past is so clear and the holdings of the future so uncertain. How should I pray when no syllables are there to utter from my mouth and fall from my tongue. Where should I go, when I have a hundred strings tied to me, pulling me everywhere and nowhere. How should I feel, when the times that I do I concave and fall apart inside of myself in the center of my sorrow. They say that's what happens when stars are born, but I am no star and you are no longer my sun. I try to talk to the moon about you but he hides beneath a cover of clouds, peeking out every so often to let me know he's still there. Still listening, though he may have no words to impart with. He sits beside my pain as I repeat my ramblings into the still darkness, over and over until they become dog-eared and faded. They flutter around me for a while before scattering upon the arrival of dawn. Soon the light will be reaching my toes and inching up my skin until I am drowning in the warmth of the sun. For but a brief moment, it is not the sun, but you, kissing my skin and bringing me back to life. I open my eyes and you're gone, the memory of you fading just as fast as it came, chasing the moon as I once chased you. I watch the stars disappear as my eyelids begin to close and I drift off to sleep, not knowing what the dawn will bring. 

Hurricane

Dance on an empty street with me; Feel the music in my bones.

Hold me tight at 3AM; Taste the salty tears christening my bed sheets.

Catch me singing along to the radio; See the worship in my heart.

Capture the gurgling laughter bursting out of me; Feel it vibrate against your fingertips dancing against my ribs.

Grasp the faint scent of flowers lingering on my skin as you push my hair from my sleepy eyes.

Stir up the fiery passion in me as you struggle to hold onto my words, trying to keep up with the electrical surges firing behind my eyes.

Feel your heart bleed as you try to understand mine.

Rip away the stitches. Open up the blinds. Break down the door. Smash down the wall I've built up around myself and I, I will show you the world. Open your palms and I will spill into the gaps between your fingers and become everything you are. You'll look up at the night sky and find the same constellations in the sun kisses running down my side. You'll feel the gentle breeze in the spring and remember the feeling of my breath tickling your cheek, escaping between the fortress of my lips. You'll swim in the waves of the ocean and envision my hair tumbling down my back, and suddenly you'll find yourself drowning in the thought of me. Completely saturated in my silhouette. I will open up my mind and speak of things you cannot understand, my words coloring the air you breathe, and running down your arms until your hands are stained. Run barefoot with me in the backyard during a rainstorm, and you'll will the raindrops to stay on my lashes forever. Let loose the storm inside of me until it consumes you, and you'll understand why hurricanes are named after people. Open up the flood gates, and run your fingers along my spine as I lay spent, too tired for words. You'll find yourself with tears dripping down your cheeks when you think I'm asleep, tracing your bloody hands on the invisible scars on my back. And finally, finally you will understand my silence.